Quality Time? Yeah right
by hpfan99
Summary: Jack Starbright, Alex's guardian is getting married! But she wants her boyfriend and Alex to meet each other, and have some Quality Time together. Too bad that it won't be that way...
1. Mr Rupert

**A/N: Hi! This is my first story on Alex Rider! I really hope you enjoy it:D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Alex Rider

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Rupert Who?**

"Why do I have to do this, again?" Alex Rider complained for the millionth time.

"Because, Rupert and I may be getting married." Jack Starbright explained, also, for the millionth time. "As I told you, for the countless time, he proposed, and I said that I would marry him, as long as the two of you get along."

Jack Starbright sighed tiredly, as she picked up her handbag, getting ready to meet her boyfriend.

"I can't. I have homework." Alex mumbled, as he sprayed biscuit crumbs all over the floor.

Jack sighed, yet again. "Alex, I distinctly remember you telling me last night that you had no homework, when I asked you to do your school assignments! Stop making up excuses! Can't you see that this is important to me?"

Alex put down his chocolate chip biscuit on a nearby shelf, and ran his hand through his hair. "Fine. I'll go. But that doesn't mean that I'll be your stupid maid of honour!"

Jack finally smiled. "Great! I know you'll love him! He's a great guy! He.."

And she droned on and on. Alex didn't bother paying attention. As they walked out of the house, and locked up the door, Alex wished that he could bang the door shut, a several more times, just to get Jack to shut up about her 'darling Rupert'.

What kind of name was Rupert, anyway? Not that Alex had anything against the Ruperts of the World.. It was probably some fifty year old man, with a tangly beard that worked at some bank.

Alex had no problem with Jack dating the dude. It was just that he was very comfortable with having only one person around the house.

"..a great fellow! Did you know that he's in the military! He's so brave! He…"

She was STILL talking. What would make her shut up? Alex wondered.

"Oh, look! We're here!" Jack exclaimed brightly. Starbrightly! (Haha, sorry.. I couldn't help writing that. It's not even funny.. Anyway.. yeah..)

Alex rolled his eyes, as Jack pulled him in to the Restaurant.

He hardly paid attention to the man that they were walking towards.

"Alex?" Jack said, excitedly. "This is Rupert! Rupert, this is Alex!"

Alex slowly raised his eyes to look at Jack's to-be husband.

Instead of saying, "Hi" and holding out his hand politely, he stood absolutely still. His eyes grew very wide, and his jaw dropped.

"_Wolf_?"

"_Cub_?"

"Oh, you two know each other?" Was the last thing Alex heard, before he fainted away.

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**A/N: Well, I'll post the new chapter in a day or two. Reviews will be greatly appreciated:D**


	2. This Ain't A Dream

**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews!:D I enjoyed reading them, when I got home from school.. Anyway, here is a short chapter. I'll try to make chapters longer, from now…**

**Disclaimer; I don't own Alex Rider, or any of the characters that you recognize.

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This ain't a dream

Alex woke up.

He was wet.

Wet wasn't the right word to describe it. He was soaked, head to toe in water.. Thanks to _dear_ Rupert, it seemed. But, this didn't calculate in his mind, right away. He opened his eyes, and he saw two blurry figures standing over him. One had red hair, while the other had dark hair.

"Alex! You're awake!" A voice said, relieved.

Alex groaned and sat up. He rubbed his eyes and opened them slowly.

In the place of the two blurry figures were Jack Starbright, and.. _Wolf_?

Then, he remembered. Unfortunately, it all came back to him. Jack's boyfriend, the engagement, meeting Rupert.. He was still in the restaurant, and people from other tables were staring at them. But the he realized…

"Oh, I get it! This is a dream! Just a bad dream!" Alex exclaimed, madly relieved. "Your name can't be _Rupert_! I mean, what kind of name is_ that_? And besides, you can't be marrying Jack! Oh, I love these times, where you realize that you're in a dream! You can do whatever you want!"

The sopping wet boy ran and jumped on top of a table. Knowing that this was a dream, he jumped up and down on the table, singing "Baby Got Back", while waving his hands in the air.

".. I like big butts, and I cannot lie.."

Cold silence.

All the people in the restaurant were focusing their eyes on the wet, dancing boy, who obviously had come out of a mental hospital.

Jack buried her face in her hands, in embarrassment.

Wolf's or _Rupert'_s eyes bulged out.

Alex's hands that previously had been waving dropped to his sides.

"This isn't a dream, is it?"

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**A/N: Well, I hope you liked it:)**


	3. You said WHAT?

**A/N: Sorry the chapter was a bit delayed... Hope you enjoy. This is rather a short chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Alex Rider.**

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**You said _what_?**

"Oh, I see." Jack Starbright said. " So that's how you know each other."

Alex stared up at the ceiling. He'd never noticed how many dots there were on the ceiling.

Meanwhile, Wolf or Rupert was staring down at the carpet. He'd never noticed that the carpet was made out of polyester.

"That's it." Jack's voice concluded.

Alex and Rupert looked up(in Rupert's case) and looked down(in Alex's case).

"You're going to spend some time together.."

"But-!" Alex and Rupert began to protest in unison.

".. Alone." Jack finished.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Alex and Rupert screamed.

"But Jack! You said that you wouldn't marry him if I didn't like him!" Alex yelled.

"You said_ what_?" Rupert demanded.

"I.. er.." Jack said, flustered.

"You said that you'd get rid of the kid, if I didn't like him!" Rupert snapped.

"You said_ what_?" Alex shouted. Jack had actually said that?

"I.. Er.. Well." Jack trembled. "All right! So I lied! You're still going to spend time together!"

Before they could say anything, Jack shoved them towards the front door, opening it, while pushing them outside.

"Have fun!"

Alex and Rupert looked at each other.

They looked away.

Dear Rupert looked as if he was about to cry.

Alex looked as if he was about to break something.

Fun was the last thing they were going to have.

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**As always, review are appreciated:D**


	4. Cause antill watching is fun

**A/N: Sorry I didn't update soon enough! I started my school vacation, now and hopefully, I'll update frequently! ;D**

**Oh, and by the way, in this story all the original Alex Rider characters are very OOC, so I hope you understand :D**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Alex Rider

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Dinner Date**

Wolf slowly raised his eyes from the ground. He looked at Alex.

Alex slowly lowered his eyes from the sky. He looked at wolf.

They both, quickly, looked away, avoiding each other's eyes.

A whole ten minutes had passed, where Rupert and Alex stood, as still as a lamppost. Alex had spent the said number of minutes staring at the sky, shaking his head at all the pollution.

Rupert, on the other hand, spent the ten minutes, staring at the pavement, as if waiting for some undiscovered animal to pop out of the ground.

Rupert finally cleared his throat. Alex eyes whipped from the sky to Rupert's uncertain face.

"Er.. What should we.. um.. do?" Rupert finally mumbled.

"I suggest we continue what we've been doing for the last ten minutes." Alex snapped, as if Rupert had interrupted something very important.

Rupert looked unsure. "Um.. Ok."

Rupert went back to staring at anthills. Alex went back to observing the sky.

Five minutes later, Rupert coughed again. Alex's eyes burned down at him.

"_What_?" Alex snarled, aggressively.

"Er.. Do you want to.. trade?" Rupert asked.

"Um, okay." Alex replied.

Alex, now, stared at the ground. Rupert, now, stared at the sky.

-Fifteen minutes later-

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" Rupert screamed.

Alex's eyes shot up. "What's your problem?"

"Why the heck are we looking at the floor and the sky? We're wasting time! Time is money!"

"Whatever." Alex said, uninterestedly. "What would you rather do? Go shopping? Get a manicure?"

Rupert growled. He really hated this boy.

"I mean, let's just.. Go and get dinner or something. It's already six." He snapped. "I'm hungry."

"Go by yourself. Or are you too scared to go alone?" Mocked Alex, speaking in a baby's tone.

Rupert stamped on the ground, and spat. "AGH!"

A four year old child that had been playing on her tricycle, began to cry.

Alex snorted with laughter, as the mother and the grandmother of the little girl marched down to Rupert and began scolding him. Rupert looked fearful, as the grandmother lifted her walking stick and shook it at him.

"Maybe I'll have dinner after all."

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed. This chapter was rather silly.. haha.. Anyway, reviews are appreciated ;D I'll try to update soon!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Oh wow. I haven't updated this in ages! I'm really sorry to the people who were waiting for the next chapter! I'd, well, run out of ideas… **

**Hopefully my writing skills improved from the last time I've updated this story… **

**Hope you enjoy this chappie. And please review-ey!**

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Rupert didn't know whether to be worried or not. He was exiting the toilet and from what he could see, everything seemed to be fine.

The boy (Rupert couldn't help but shudder whenever he thought about him) hadn't set the table on fire or repeated his performance of dancing madly then fainting, as far as he could see.

This was the first time when SAS or military training didn't seem to give him the upper hand of the situation. All he could benefit from the training was the various methods of killing the boy, but Wolf didn't feel like being banged up in a prison cell at the 'prime time' of his life. After all, he was getting married. Or was he?

Rupert eyed the boy as he settled himself onto the chair, once again. He decided to relax. Everything was fine. Maybe the boy decided to act mature for once in his life. Turn over a new leaf, take on responsibilities, blah blah blah…

But then Alex bloody Rider smiled at him. Rupert automatically felt unsettled by the 'innocent' smile and, almost instinctively, looked around him as if he was expecting a sudden attack.

"Is there a problem?" The boy asked, pleasantly. Oh, no. He was being civil. Something was definitely wrong.

Rupert cleared his throat stiffly. "No, erm, no. Er, erm, have you decided what to eat, then?"

"Oh, well, not really. Everything looks so good." Came the boy's response.

Rupert was feeling very uneasy. He wished the boy would just whip out what he obviously planned already. It was very unsettling to have a normal conversation with Alex Rider.

"Well, why not take a look at the menu?" He asked. Speaking of which, there was no menu on the table. He raised his hand and called for the waiter.

A skinny, foreign looking man with a curly moustache attended to him almost immediately. "Ah! Our best customer tonight! You wish to order more, signor?" He winked at him in an affable way.

Three things struck Rupert simultaneously:

1. The man had just winked at him. Was he on the turn? Playing for the other team? Whatever it was, Rupert was convinced that it involved coming out of the closet in some way.

2. Wished to order… more?

3. Alex Rider had to be involved.

"Excuse me." Rupert said quickly. "What do you mean… more?"

He dreaded the answer.

"You order all the menu, no?" Came the cheerful reply. This time the waiter tapped (or rather stroked) Rupert's shoulder in a 'friendly' way.

"I, erm, no." Rupert stammered. "Excuse me. Excuse us. For, er, a minute, or something. Please."

"Ah." The waiter winked again at Rupert. "Of course, signor."

"What have you done?" He hissed venomously, as soon as the waiter had, erm, sashayed off.

Alex leaned back on his chair with a very casual smile. "I just couldn't decide. It's been so long since I've had a proper meal, with Jack traipsing out of the house every night to meet you."

Rupert breathed hard.

He did not know how to react. He'd dealt with criminals. Terrorists. Gangs. Wars. But none of them had had… _this_.

"You… you… fix this. NOW." He managed to stammer. He breathed in and out and reminded himself of what he felt for Jack.

"But why?" The boy whined. "I'm so hungry. And you're the one who wanted to eat!"

Rupert clenched his hands into a fist. "Then you pay for this extravagant meal!"

"I can't! I'm an orphan, remember?"

"No. I'm just going to cancel our order." Rupert said finally, wondering why he hadn't thought of this before."

However, before he could call the waiter again, fate had put a hindrance to it. There was a whole row of waiters, and some chefs, carrying a plate on each hand. The entire restaurant stopped dining and turned to look at them… Marching towards his table.

Rupert resisted the urge to cry.

About fifty years later, Alex Rider put down his fork and knife.

"Done already?" Rupert snarled sarcastically. Then he looked again. He hadn't even eaten half the food!

"You must be joking. You are not leaving all this food!"

"But I'm full! It's not healthy to eat until you're full!" Alex retorted.

"Then why did you order ALL of it you, you.. little.."

"It's important to experience culture and traditions, Rupert!"

"It's ENGLISH food, you little berk!"

Again, Rupert told himself that he was lucky to have found Jack. She was much better than the women Fox had set him up with. She did not have a pet goldfish which she carried around with her all the time. She did not wear knitted bikinis. Again, Rupert wondered where Fox had found such women.

Surely this little… misfit wasn't great enough to end things with Jack. And surely the meal wouldn't charge to what he had calculated mentally in his head. It was a family restaurant (Ironically)! It was supposed to be affordable!

He had not been able to bring himself to eat. It was just as well he didn't, because he felt like throwing up when he saw the bill.

Oh, and since this was a 'respectable' restaurant, as the waiter put it, it was necessary to leave a tip.

Oh the joys of life.

He felt his heart break as the waiter swiped his card on the blasted machine. All those years of training and labour… It had gone down the drain. Or the intestines… of Alex bloody Rider.

"Oi! Ruppie!" Rupert tried not to swing a punch at the kid's head. "But we didn't have dessert! Or are we having that somewhere else?"

"No!" Rupert almost yelled, before the waiter could possibly prance off and grab them something else that would kill him financially.

"I 'ope you 'ad a good time, Senor." The moustached waiter hurried up to them as they were about to exit the restaurant. "I is, 'ow you say, 'ere every night. If you wish to... pop in, Senor."

Ignoring the waiter's suggestive wink, Rupert shoved Alex out of the door before following him.

"Thanks for dinner!" Alex chirped cheerfully, thumping Rupert on the back. "It wasn't half bad."

Rupert grabbed Alex by the arm forcefully. "Listen to me, kid. Me and Jack are serious, alright? So you may have your bratty little moments but I'm not going anywhere. So you watch it from now."

He spoke in his most menacing voice.

Rupert sighed almost relieved, as the stupid kid didn't say anything. Good. He'd meant to give him a good scare.

"Does that mean you won't be going off with the waiter boy then?"

Did nothing faze Alex Rider?

Was he really going to live with this little…_ brat_ for who knows how long?

Life was a mystery to him.

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**A/N: So, what do you think? Should Rupert stay with Jack and Alex? What do you think should happen? :)**


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